I remember the first time I saw Jim Carrey on screen: I was about ten years old, and the movie was “Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.” And I remember looking up at that big screen, watching Jim Carrey use his own anus as a hand puppet, and thinking to myself, “That guy would make a great Ebenezer Scrooge.”

And now, an entire generation later, here we are. Disney’s ‘A Christmas Carol’ has opened to much hype and anticipation, with 3D effects galore and no shortage of scenic eye candy. Clearly this is an upgrade from Christmas Carols past, which, although heavy on the emotional impact, do not contain the digital 3D magic that Charles Dickens intended when he wrote his classic morality tale.

And I’m being absolutely serious when I say that this movie contains some of the most breathtaking 3D animated imagery I have ever seen in my life. The London landscapes are absolutely mind-blowing, and if you do see this film, you have to see it in 3D. You won’t be sorry about the added cost.

In the story’s latest reimaging, Scrooge is portrayed by Jim Carrey, who incidentally also played the Grinch a few years ago (this guy must really be a downer at Christmas parties). He now joins an elite group of renowned Scrooges ranging from Patrick Stewart to the Muppets. But does he measure up? Surprisingly yes, and believe me, I had my doubts.

What I found remarkable is that Carrey gives Scrooge a layer of depth that is missing from so many Scrooge portrayals. In a recent London press conference, Carrey opined that “Scrooge’s lie was that he wasn’t worth loving and so he couldn’t afford to believe in love because he didn’t get any.” And Carrey portrays Scrooge in exactly this manner, so that we begin to empathize with the old man long before his ultimate transformation. We see signs that there is in fact a heart buried somewhere deep beneath that frosty exterior.

But Scrooge is just the tip of the iceberg. As you’ve probably figured out by now, Jim Carrey has plenty of personalities to go around, and all of them are dying to be set free. In this film, he plays elderly Scrooge, young Scrooge, younger Scrooge, medium Scrooge and three different ghosts (although the third has very little to say). Additionally, Gary Oldman is chilling as Jacob Marley and also touching as Bob Cratchit, a true talent. Other talented stars to be featured include Colin Firth, Robin Wright Penn and the always lively Bob Hoskins.

Overall, I was very impressed. Save for a few embellished action sequences, the film is very true to the book, even incorporating elements that are absent from many film adaptations, such as the characterizations of Ignorance and Want. Carrey’s British accent is a bit off at times, but overall he does an outstanding job and I can think of very few complaints.

So be sure and check out this film, now in theaters everywhere.

Was Walt Disney cryogenically frozen?

This is one of the more bizarre Disney conspiracy theories, but nevertheless remains very popular. Basically the theory proposes that Walt Disney arranged to have himself cryogenically frozen at the time of his death, in order that future science could someday use space age technology to reanimate him. But could it be true?

It certainly makes sense. The details surrounding his death were not immediately revealed, and there was no public funeral for one of the most beloved entertainment minds of all time. Is it possible that Walt would stop at nothing to experience a distant future and perhaps take a real space cruiser to the forest moon of Endor?

Well, considering that Star Tours didn’t even open until after his death freezing, I’m guessing no. In fact, I’m going to say that this conspiracy is about as ridiculous as most other conspiracy theories. Nobody knows how the whole “frozen Disney” legend got started, but there doesn’t exist a shred of evidence to back it up.

Here is what we do know. Walt Disney is buried at Forest Lawn Cemetery in Glendale, CA. It’s right off the 134 freeway just East of the San Fernando Valley. You can visit the gravesite for yourself. If you’re still skeptical, you can dig him up. Really. You have my permission. He is cremated, though, so it may take you a little while to piece him back together.

Many famous people are buried at Forest Lawn including Michael Jackson…wait a minute…wasn’t Michael Jackson also rumored to be cryogenically frozen? Perhaps there’s a connection! Or perhaps not. According to Walt’s death certificate, he died of lung cancer in 1966. At Snopes.com, you can even view the death certificate and will for yourself.

But don’t let irrefutable facts get in the way of a good conspiracy. It’s fun to believe that the mind behind the Disney empire is buried only a few feet beneath you in a frozen cryonic chamber as you float along the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. If you listen really carefully, perhaps you can even hear him calling out to you.

But then take a moment and stop to realize just how absurd it is. I mean, really? The Pirates of the Caribbean ride? Wouldn’t it make far more sense to lean him against the wall in the Star Tours line like Han Solo in a carbonite block, his hands sticking out and his face forever molded in an expression of utter torment? That would certainly get me in the door.

For more detailed information debunking this conspiracy, check out Snopes and Mythbusters.

Images from kimkardashian.celebuzz.com

Professional socialite Kim Kardashian turned heads over the weekend by wearing not one, but TWO Halloween costumes modeled after Disney princesses (in various states of undress). Kardashian took the streets as both Princess Jasmine and Snow White (not at the same time; that would be impressive), and the blogs and celebnews sites have been abuzz ever since.

Personally, I love it when people pay tribute to Disney icons, whether in Goofy ears or Harem Girl Jasmine attire, but sadly there won’t be a Princess Kim movie any time soon. I love Kim Kardashian, but here are ten reasons why she will probably never be a real Disney princess.

10. Nobody loves a Malibu princess. Because people are just jealous.

9. If Kim becomes a princess, then her two sisters will want to be princesses too. Next thing you know, the Enchanted Forest is absolutely infested with Kardashians.

8. Cinderella’s godmother is a fairy. Kim Kardashian’s godfather is OJ Simpson.

7. Disney princesses are not permitted to appear on reality TV shows, ever since Princess Aurora’s infamous racist tirade on The Surreal Life (our apologies to the French).

6. If Kim Kardashian were to sing “Someday My Prince Will Come,” it would take on a whooooole new meaning.

5. Aurora starred in the timeless “Sleeping Beauty;” Jasmine starred in the critically-acclaimed “Aladdin;” Kim Kardashian starred in the aptly-named “Disaster Movie.”

4. Disney princesses are meant to appeal to 8-year-old girls…not 14-year-old boys.

3. Did I mention that OJ is her godfather?

2. Do you want YOUR pre-teen daughter wearing a Kim Kardashian costume for Halloween?

1. Two words: SEX TAPE. That’s right. Her sex tape didn’t include a single song-and-dance number, therefore it’s clearly not Disney material.

But this was not always true. There was a time when Disney villains were actually quite evil, some even psychopathic. Here’s a look back at a time when villains were allowed to be villains:

10. Captain Hook (Peter Pan)

Okay, so Hook isn’t the scariest Disney villain to come around, but he did have his hand chopped off by a sword and then eaten by a crocodile, and that certainly earns him a few badness points. If Captain Hook were conceived today, his missing hand would likely be explained as a developmental disability which he bravely overcame so that he could be an inspiration to other evil sea captains.

9. Scar (The Lion King)

A vile lion who enslaves hyenas and murders his brother so that he may ascend to the throne. He even tries to murder his own nephew in pursuit of his selfish goals, never showing the slightest hint of remorse. Almost Shakespearean, don’t you think? Killing is no longer PC, so if Scar were conceived today, he would probably try to seize the throne by tricking his brother into handing it over, or perhaps by convincing Donald Trump that Mufasa is not living up to his commitment as king.

8. Shere Khan (The Jungle Book)

Shere Khan roams the jungle like a James Bond villain in feline form: brilliant, sophisticated, but also deadly. He is feared by all, and he wants to kill the mancub Mowgli just for being human. This was during a simpler time, when a Disney villain didn’t even need a real reason for wanting to shed the protagonist’s blood. No deep psychoanalysis, no sympathetic qualities, just pure, 100% bloodthirsty tiger. If Shere Khan were created today, the poor guy would probably be reduced to following Winnie the Poo around the forest while hopping on his tail.

7. Stromboli (Pinocchio)

Stromboli was quite the kingpin villain: kidnapping…check; enslavement, check…child labor violations, check…unlawful imprisonment, check. If Stromboli were created today, he would probably just “pretend” to lock up the young Pinocchio in order to teach him a valuable lesson about talking to strangers. Then he would set the boy free, the two would laugh and the closing credits would roll as a choir of circus-goers began dancing and singing “We’re All In This Together” from High School Musical.

6. Cruella de Vil (101 Dalmations)

Cruella de Vil didn’t just want to take the cute puppies away…she wanted to take them away so that she could have them killed, skinned and made into fur coats. Kinda sounds like a scene from a horror movie, doesn’t it? Of course, that’s far too horrifying for today’s kids. In the 21st century, Cruella would kidnap the puppies for the sake of cosmetic testing, that is, until the puppies are rescued by the brave Pongo and the fearless Alicia Silverstone.

5. Judge Doom (Who Framed Roger Rabbit?)

The movie “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” could probably make this list by itself just for being thoroughly sick and depraved, but there’s no denying that the film’s villain, Judge Doom, is one psychotic cat. Not many Disney films can boast a serial killer as a villain, but this movie has all that and so much more: a psychotic bad guy who actually wields a chemical mix that can kill cartoon characters on contact…nice!

4. The Gogans (Pete’s Dragon)

The Gogans are the adopted parents of the main character Pete, and as far as villains go, they are absolutely fantastic. How did they get so high on this list? Well, it’s one thing to engage in child abuse, but but to actually sing catchy, upbeat songs about said child abuse is just deranged. This might make them some of the most fantastic villains ever. Check it out:

Here are some actual lyrics from the song:

Gonna snag him, gag him, drag him through town
Put his head in the river, let the punk drown
Trap him, strap him, wrap in a sack
Tie him screaming to a railroad track

Um….yeah. Awesome.

3. The Wicked Queen (Snow White)

Ah, the wicked queen…1937. Queenie was jealous of Snow White, so how did she handle it? By spreading a mean rumor across the high school? No. By trying to steal Snow White’s man? No. By tweeting about how that Snow White is “like, such a loser!?” No. Here’s how she handled it: she told her huntsman the following: “Find Snow White, drag her into the woods, kill her, slice open her chest, pull out her dead bleeding heart, stick it in this box and bring it to me!” (I’m paraphrasing). 1937. And when THAT didn’t work, she said “Fine! If you can’t get the job done, I guess I’ll just have to waste this chick myself.” And THAT’S when the story starts to turn dark (because up to this point, we haven’t even really introduced the witchcraft element yet).

2. Claude Frollo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

The Hunchback of Notre Dame is probably the last truly brave Disney film to be released. It has an isolated hunchback who communicates with stone gargoyles in order to cope with his paralyzing loneliness; it has debauchery on the streets of Paris; it has a gypsy who seems to enjoy turning tricks…and then there is Claude Frollo. Frollo is a Catholic priest, which alone could earn him a spot on this list, but his signature song “Hellfire” nearly earned him the #1 spot on this list. Here are some lyrics from Hellfire:

Protect me, Maria
Don’t let this siren cast her spell
Don’t let her fire sear my flesh and bone
Destroy Esmeralda
And let her taste the fires of hell
Or else let her be mine and mine alone
Hellfire, dark fire
Now gypsy, it’s your turn
Choose me or your pyre
Be mine or you will burn

No, that’s not Marilyn Manson singing, that’s Claude Frollo. Believe it or not, Hellfire is not available on any of the Disney Sing-Along DVDs. But check it out for yourself:

1. Maleficent (Sleeping Beauty)

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Maleficent is not only the ultimate Disney villain, she’s one of the great cinematic villains of all time. The self-proclaimed “mistress of all evil” who uses the powers of Hell to curse the princess Aurora to death, she’s capable of shape-shifting, casting spells and teleporting herself at will, and she’s known to condemn people to death just for insulting her pride.

Plus, there’s overwhelming evidence that she is most definitely Satan’s daughter. She wears a black gown with bat wings and devil horns, she’s accustomed to using witchcraft, she is constantly in the company of demonic minions and her “pet” is a creepy raven named Diablo. As the brave prince rushes toward her with the hopes of rescuing his beloved Aurora, Maleficent shouts “Now shall you deal with me, oh prince, and all the powers of Hell.” Immediately thereafter, she turns into a dragon. So there you have it, proof positive that Maleficent is not only the last Disney villain you ever want to mess with, but she was actually spawned by the Prince of Darkness.

And as if that weren’t enough, Merriam Webster Online defines “maleficent” as “working or productive of harm or evil.” So although Walt Disney has given us a number of very twisted villains, Satan’s daughter definitely takes the #1 spot.