As I reported earlier, many people are worried about the spread of Swine Flu–also known as the dreaded H1N1 virus, which oddly sounds much scarier–in large, crowded places like Disney World. To combat this problem, Disney has just installed hand sanitizers across the park, this according to the Orlando Sentinel.

But combating a dangerous, fast-spreading and highly-contagious ailment like swine flu will take more than an occsaional squeeze from a hand sanitizer tube. Here are some tips for staying healthy at the Magic Kingdom.

1) Try to acquire a powerful stomach flu before arriving. Your constant, explosive vomiting will make other park visitors eager to stay far away from you, thus giving you less exposure to their swine flu.

2) Ride the Peter Pan ride over and over until you breathe in enough pixie dust to protect you from swine flu, tuberculosis, gun shot wounds and anything else that may come your way while enjoying the Magic Kingdom.

3) Try to find the Big Bad Wolf and stick close to him. The Big Bad Wolf knows a thing or two about dealing with swine.

4) Children are the most likely to spread airborne illness, so make yourself a human child repellent. Perhaps a nice t-shirt that says “I Killed Mickey” or “Fun Police.”

5) Arrive at a time when the park is less crowded, such as 3am. This may require the use of a jet pack or a grappling hook.

6) Try to find the genie from Aladdin, and wish for everyone else in the park to have explosive diarrhea. They’ll spend so much time in the restroom, you will be completely undisturbed by their viruses.

7) If a witch offers you a poisoned apple, eat it! Swine flu will be the least of your problems.

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Tampa Bay Online reports that were eight documented injuries at Disney World over the summer. One woman passed out after riding Splash mountain and suffered a fractured skull, one man broke his wrist while leaving the Test Track ride, and one woman was even injured on the Peter Pan ride! (Okay, to be fair, she was 74). Apparently Disney World is becoming more dangerous than a mosh pit at a death metal concert, so here are a few tips to keep yourself and your family safe when enjoying the Magic Kingdom:

- Swinging plastic lightsabers around is certainly fun, but try it on Space Mountain and you may lose an arm just like Luke Skywalker.

- If you are currently taking Valium, Vicodin, Morphine or a similar medication, DO NOT ride Star Tours…unless you want to experience what interstellar flight really feels like.

- If you’re tempted to wear your “Jonas Brothers Suck” t-shirt…don’t. It might seem funny at first, but ask yourself: is it still funny when you’re being chased across Toon Town by 300 screaming teenage girls with torches and pitchforks?

- Regardless of what your friends may tell you, riding the Tower of Terror without a seatbelt does NOT “enhance the experience.” It just turns you into a human pinball.

- Persons who suffer from demonic possession should not enter the Haunted Mansion. Your spirits may become agitated as they feel they are being mocked.

- If you see a woman who sort of looks like Ursula the sea witch, do not ask her to pose for a photograph unless you’re ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN it’s her.

- Most importantly, if you get injured on the Peter Pan ride, you’re probably safest just staying home at all times.

Image courtesy of Flickr.